Do you have above average size boobs?
I know I do.
And sometimes, I walk into Forever21 and see a cute button up top, but I can't buy it, because I know that everyone sitting or standing to the left of me, west of the Mississippi, will be looking at things meant for Burley's eyes only.
So... I do this little trick. And that trick is called the "sewing my shirts closed" trick.
That's right. I seriously (and often) sew my button up shirts closed.
Now, this trick obviously makes it impossible to do that hilarious party joke where you walk into a group of people and rip your snap button shirt open...
But seriously... I have seen Burley do this trick before. Hilarious. We have a lot of friends.
But... That joke is only funny about 1 time. Then it is just plain indulgent. Get ahold of yourself!
So after this trick is performed, you must therefore remove your shirt like the rest of the world...
Over your head.
Sorry hipsters. Nothing unique to see here.
But that is the only downside.
The upsides include...
NO AWKWARD SHIRT FIXING.
No unwanted nip slips.
No unfortunate chest mess.
Just plain ol' classy you. Wearing your plain ol' classy button up shirt.
Nothing to see here, folks!
... And I hope it is understood that I will not be sharing a before and after. That would just be wrong. Seriously REALLY funny, but wrong.
I know better than that... sometimes.
See? I told you.
Nothing to see here folks.